A Bundle of Joy at the End of the Rainbow

My Dearest Olivia,

I'd like to introduce you to your little sister Amelia Anne.

She was born 2 weeks ago today on 10/18/10. She tipped the scales at 7lbs 3oz & 20 3/4  inches long. She came into this world a very special child -- not just that's she's a Rainbow Baby, but she's got you as her older sister and personal Guardian Angel.

We know you've been watching over her since we first found out about being pregnant on your 1st Birthday. A day where we should have been giving you presents, you gave us the best present we could have ever dreamed of.

All throughout the next 9 months you have never been far from our thoughts and hearts; every Dr's visit, every test, every ultrasound, anxious days of waiting. You guided us and helped reassure us that all would be OK.

When we had the 3-D ultrasound, Amelia's face reminded us so much of you. The broad nose (yeah that's daddy's nose -- poor girl), your mother's lips, munching on her hand, even the little episode of Hiccups she had during the ultrasound reminded us of you.

Olivia's Little Sister

There were tears of joy and sadness when she was born; Joy because we finally got to meet our Rainbow Baby. Sadness because it reminded us of what we've lost. Your beautiful picture sat at our bedside, giving us strength all night long.

I'm sure you'd approve of her first out fit too!! Not only does she wear it proudly, it also has a nice Dragonfly on it :)

We miss you everyday peanut, but we know Amelia couldn't have hoped for a better Big Sister. Thanks for guiding her safely into this world. Thanks you for acting as her personal Guardian Angel now and in the future as Amelia grows into the healthy and wonderful person she's destined to be.

We'll love you always.

Love,
Dad, Mom, & Amelia

365 Days of Eternity

One year ago today I put our sweet Olivia back to bed after her 2am feeding. I rocked her to sleep, kissed her forehead, rubbed her cheeks, and whispered "I Love You, Sleep Well." Little did I know, as I quietly pulled the door shut and crawled back into bed beside Sara, that I had just spent my last moments with our precious Peanut.

The stillness of that Sunday morning was completely misleading, soon to be broken by the frantic cries and screams of breaking hearts and shattered lives. When I woke up to sun streaming into our room rather than cries from the baby monitor, I knew something was wrong. I checked the clock, it said 9am, a bit past Olivia's usual wake-up time. As soon as I opened the door to her room, I knew my recurring nightmare had come true. Holding my precious Olivia, still and lifeless, no cooing, no crying, no giggling, no wiggling, just still; a quiet peaceful look on her face. She had departed this life after fitting more into her 6 short months than many people experience in a lifetime.

One Year Ago Today

At 9:15pm on 2/19/09, Sara and I were introduced to our daughter Olivia Anne. We were well aware that our lives would change forever, yet totally unprepared for the direction of change. Today should be a day of celebration and laughter, yet instead it will be a day of sadness and tears.

The last 12 months have been a roller coaster of emotion and stress. Even though we were exhausted the first 36 hours of our life with Olivia were perfect. We did not yet know that she had a heart defect, we did not know her liver couldn't clear itself of bile, we didn't know only one kidney would function. How sweet those precious hours of peace were. I can remember waking up to her 'hungry' cry during that first night, the pride I felt in being a father, the overwhelming urge to protect and defend, the reality of being a family of three now.

Not a moment goes by where Olivia is not front and center in our minds. The loss of those bright shining eyes and dimpled smile changed who we are forever. The torn fabric of our family might slowly be reworked and mended, yet always will the scar remain. We have made many new friends along our journey, while some old ones have faded away. The support we've received from friends, acquaintances, bloggers has been critical to our survival and will continue to be so in the future. I ask you now to keep us in your thoughts, not just today, but next week, next year, five years from now. Light a candle, Say a prayer, send a card, an e-mail, a phone call, acknowledgement that Olivia touched your lives keeps us going.

Peace,

Ben, Sara, & Angel Olivia

Goodnight My Sweet Angel.... Happy 1st Birthday