Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Dragonflies

I am still at a loss for words to describe our current journey. Three weeks have gone by, yet every moment has seemed to drag by excruciatingly slowly. When Olivia was born in February our lives changed forever. Our regular routines and freedoms were thrown into chaos. Slowly over the next weeks Sara and I established nice routines all centered around Olivia - Feedings, Playtimes, Baths, Dr Visits, Medicines, Etc. We were satellites orbiting the center of our universe -- Olivia- a very bright star. When she left our world 3 weeks ago, our Sun, our Center, Our Focus was taken away. Sara and I lost our center, we lost our focus, we lost our Star. Hopefully someday we will find pleasure again in the freedoms that have returned -- finishing a meal uniterupted, sleeping in on the weekends, getting in the car w/o needing to 'load up.' These are freedoms we glady gave up and don't want back, but we have no say....

Needless to say, we have searched everywhere to understand why. We look for the tiniest little sign that things will be ok. The other day we were fortunate enough to experience one such event. Sunday morning 2 weeks after Olivia passed away I noticed a large number of bugs flying around our back pasture. When Sara and I went out to investigate, we were overwhelmed by Dragonflies. There were probably 200 or more flying around in our couple acre pasture. We stood out there and marveled at a spectacle we had never seen before. In the 10+ years I have lived in this same house, never had I seen this many Dragonflies in one area.

As we stood and soaked in this display of gleaming wings and darting bodies, one large Dragonfly came up to us. It had an iridescent green body with a purple/blue sheen to it's tail. The wings were a transluscent silver, gleaming in the warm sun. It hovered in front of Sara's face for a few seconds, then it moved over to me and landed on my left shoulder. Soon it took off and dissapeared into the rest of the Dragonflies.

While looking around on the internet about dragonflies, we came across some interesting facts. Native Americans believe that Dragonflies represent renewal and can be messengers from the spirit world. The story below was also found in our search, somehow it feels very appropriate.

The Dragonfly

Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads,
there lived a little water beetle in a community of water
beetles. They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond
with few disturbances and interruptions.

Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of
their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and
would never be seen again. They knew when this happened; their
friend was dead, gone forever.

Then, one day, one little water beetle felt an irresistible urge
to climb up that stem. However, he was determined that he would
not leave forever. He would come back and tell his friends what
he had found at the top.

When he reached the top and climbed out of the water onto the
surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun felt so
warm, that he decided he must take a nap. As he slept, his body
changed and when he woke up, he had turned into a beautiful
blue-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body
designed for flying.

So, fly he did! And, as he soared he saw the beauty of a whole
new world and a far superior way of life to what he had never
known existed.

Then he remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking
by now he was dead. He wanted to go back to tell them, and
explain to them that he was now more alive than he had ever been
before. His life had been fulfilled rather than ended.

But, his new body would not go down into the water. He could
not get back to tell his friends the good news. Then he
understood that their time would come, when they, too, would
know what he now knew. So, he raised his wings and flew off
into his joyous new life!

~Author Unknown~


In the weeks to come I'll post a small memorial video of Olivia, keep checking occasionally, I'll keep the site active. Thanks again to everyone for their expressions of sympathy and support and of course to those who have donated in Olivia's name to The Alagille Syndrome Alliance. Take a moment to go there and donate $5 if you haven't. Thanks.

Thanks for listening.

Ben, Sara & Little Angel Olivia.

9 comments:

  1. What a beautiful story. As with your last 2 Blog entries, I cried when I read this one. I hope you both will find peace again someday.

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  2. That is really a beautiful story! I can't imagine what you both have been through. Our families prayers will continue to pray for the both of you while I don't think there can ever be any understanding of why such things happen we pray that you will be able to find peace. Olivia just like the dragonfly has changed. She is in the arms of our Heavenly Father. Her body is now perfect and she will never have to suffer through any more medical visits or procedures. Just like a star she burned bright and touched many lives while here on earth. Sending you hugs

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  3. I came across your blog today. I am so sorry that you lost your little angel. I was so touched by your story of the dragonflies, it gave me goosebumps & tears came to my eyes. May the Lord be with you during your difficult moments. Make sure to pray every day, and keep looking for those signs, "everything will be okay!"

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  4. Yes, I think it was a beautiful sign. I'm thinking of you and your little one all of the time.

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  5. And maybe, just maybe, Olivia, Tokers, Major, Mama, Froggie and all the others we've known, loved and lost are soaring somewhere above us warm in the sun........

    with much affection
    Mandi

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  6. Brother Ben water beetle, one day you will soar along with the rest of the beauties that visit us once in a while. I have only heartfull prayers for you until then, loving friend.

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  7. I agree with Mandi. Momma and Major left here to the warm arms of Olivia. My heart aches for you guys.

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  8. Dragonflies are very special for me. They are beautiful signs from our little girls. I am so sorry about Olivia.

    xx

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